5 Things You Need to Know About Being Content
In Richard III, Shakespeare writes, “Come the next sabbath and I will content you.”
Having never read or seen the play, I have no idea who is speaking to whom. I just stumbled across this quotation when I was looking at the entry for “sabbath” in the OED. But ever since I read those words, they’ve been working on me, in me.
Because I want sabbath, I want rest, and more than that, I want to be content.
I bet I am not alone in that desire, and if that’s the case, it begs the question, why aren’t we content? And for that matter, what does content even mean? Life’s complexities rarely have a simple answer, and the same holds true here. But here are five thoughts about how we might find our way to being more content.
1). Society is designed to make us discontent. We are constantly being bombard by messages that tell us we need to buy things in order to be content. Or that we need to change who we are to fit in or be loved. Or that we have to work our asses off to have the life we want and only then will we be content.
2). How we think about our circumstances and our emotions can also lead us to being discontent.
We are prone to if/then thinking. “If everything were perfect in my life, then I’d be able to content.” We believe we can’t be content until “that” happens, whatever that may be. Nope. Content doesn’t require perfect circumstances, and in fact, the more we try and make our circumstances perfect, the less content we are likely to be.
Content means meeting what is with a master mindset, not a disaster mindset. “Here’s what is . . . how can I make the best of it?” Being content doesn’t have to do with the circumstances themselves. It has to do with how we think about them.
Speaking of thinking, we believe that we are rational human beings who sometimes have emotions. In reality, we are emotional human beings who sometimes have rational thoughts. To put it plainly, we are all carrying around a huge, wild, and unpredictable Atlantic Ocean of emotions in our Hefty bag of skin.
Getting rid of our emotions is not what leads us to being content. In other words, content doesn’t mean we are placid as a cow. It means getting our courage on and living bravely from the heart. It means welcoming the full range of who we are and what is going on inside. Which leads us to . . . .
3). Being content is an inside job. While the world is ready to tell us that being content requires external conditions such as success and possessions, in order to be truly content, we need to be willing to examine our content. What is in us?
To answer that, we might channel both Simon and Paula from the original American Idol—we need to be both unsparingly honest and incredibly kind.
When we know what we’re dealing with, then we can decide how we want to move forward. A friend’s mantra for the year is “I choose.” It’s one of the most powerful mantras I can think of.
4). Content has all kinds of meaning. One is being contained. Or having boundaries. Not spilling our valuable self all over the place until we feel as if we have nothing left inside.
Being content means choosing. Choosing to have intentional boundaries that keep us healthy and whole. What do we let in? What do we keep out?
One way we can be intentional about our boundaries is by employing two teeny, tiny, and incredibly powerful words—no and yes. What do we need to say no to—to keep ourselves sane and nourished?
Alternatively, what can we say yes to that might break us wide open so that we can live light and shine
I bet deep down we all know that the answer is rarely more work or stuff. So what is it that you need more of? Less of?
5). Lastly, content looks different for each and every one of us. This began with, “Come the next sabbath and I will content you.” Sabbath means making an active choice to stop. To stop laboring. To rest. To commune—with others, with a Greater Than. Sabbath is a commitment to removing ourselves from the machinations of society and to be. To sit, alight.
In a world clamoring to convince us otherwise, please hear me. We are okay. Period. And we can stop. We can stop laboring, chasing, working, striving. We. Are. Okay. We cannot be content until we believe that. So, believe it. Because it's true. It really is true.
And it’s crucial that we realize that rest for one person might look very different than rest for someone else. For one, hiking in the woods for two hours is rest. For someone else, it might be reading all day long. Or cooking a five-course meal.
That’s why it’s crucial that we know ourselves and check in again and again, so we can be very clear about what leaves behind a lightness rather than a residue.
None of these is easy. In fact, it feels more like making a pearl. We have to work with the grit inside to make something luminous, all while the moody and mysterious ocean of our being does its deep and beautiful work.
Live light.