Being: Just Right
I hate Goldilocks.
Not only should she be arrested for breaking and entering, but once she gets inside the bears’ home, she’s a petulant, picky priss, “This is too hard. This is too soft. This is too hot. This is too cold.”
What a brat.
Immediately, two related thoughts spring to mind—the edict “Judge not, lest ye be judged,” and isn’t there that idea that those we hate are often mirrors of our own shadow sides? Ugh. Can’t we be rightfully and righteously annoyed at someone else’s egregious behavior without it being a reflection of our own selves?
It will probably come as no surprise when I admit that Goldilocks could indeed represent my shadow side.
Growing up, I was picky as hell. I would turn up my nose at whatever it was that my mother had made for dinner and eat mac and cheese. And I am sure there were all kinds of other ways I was just like Goldilocks—bratty, annoying.
Now that I’m an adventurous eater (I love haggis so much I go back for seconds), I shake my head at that little girl that I was, which is probably why Goldilocks gets under my skin.
But there’s something else that annoys me about that golden-haired diva. She’s right. If we could just find that perfect balance, get it just right, then life would be perfect.
We would never eat too many Christmas cookies or pizza. We would never binge-watch hours and hours of tv. We would never say too much or too little. We would never have to mentally beat ourselves up, because we would always get it just right.
This feels like not only an impossible goal, but an exhausting one. If we want to get it just right, we are always, always adjusting, recalibrating, trying to figure out the right thing to do next. To use the words of Queen and David Bowie, that means we are always under pressure.
And that’s the first lesson from this Veruca Salt-like vixen. Focusing on the expectations and demands of the external world leaves us frazzled, if not downright broken. Like a toddler, the world will always want more, expect more.
And the second lesson? Getting it “just right” is a moving target.
We are supposed to eat eggs. We are not supposed to eat eggs. Alcohol and caffeine are bad. No, wait. This just in: alcohol and caffeine are good! Or what you said to help a friend that one time was perfect. When you tried the same thing later, it was the exact wrong thing to say.
In one breath, our aim might be true, but as we are all well aware, life shifts, moves, jumps, and there we are, left hanging—afraid, ashamed, overwhelmed.
One last problem with Goldilocks is that it is a fairy tale, and most of us want the “happily ever after.”
But life is much more interested in “Once upon a time.” Life is always a new story, presenting itself. Each moment is a chance not to get it “just right,” but to know that in our center, we are “just right.” There is nothing we need to do. Nothing we need to accomplish. Nothing we need to possess or say or make or smear on our faces.
Listen to me. You are just right as you are. You are okay as you are. You are human and messy and doing what you can, and you are just right.
You might feel resistance to that. A whole flock of “Yeah, but’s” might be flying up into the sky of your brain. “Yeah, but I need to work and make money and take care of those I love and then there’s that boss and there are all these wrinkles and . . . .”
Stop.
Breathe.
Once upon a time, you stood in the middle of your story.
You did not have to run around wildly, trying to please everyone in the kingdom. You did not have to be perfectly coiffed or buffed. You did not need to suck up or bow down to the ornery and mercurial majesty sitting on the throne.
Once upon a time, you stood in the middle of your story, and you trusted that still small voice that whispered, “You are just right. You are enough. You are okay. Inside of you, there is a light. Now, let it shine as you walk on into this wild and beautiful adventure.”
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You are just right as you are . . . and being human can take a toll on our bodies, minds, and spirits. If you want to try something that might bring you more spaciousness and freedom, check out the two new practices at willowyogaminnesota.com. The energetic practice is “Find the opening” and the gentle practice is, you guessed it, “Just right.” Live light!