Anybody else have a bad case of the “I don’ wannas” lately? You don’t wanna do this. You don’t wanna do that. You just want to sit and stare at a wall. Or curl up in a ball.
Maybe you are stretched thin, and it’s no wonder with life’s demands. Plus, who likes to be told what to do, and if your life is anything like mine, you probably have a chorus of voices chiming in about what you should or should not be doing.
Inhale. Exhale.
At the same time, I’ve been reading about resistance—how we resist change or effort, how we have mental structures in place to keep things in place, often because we prefer comfort and predictability. We like things the way they are, even if they are the very things which keep us from flourishing.
To use a cliche, we prefer the devil we know.
Inhale. Exhale.
If you find yourself lost in an “I don’ wanna” mindset, if you are fighting and flailing wildly, stop. Breathe. What is it that you are fighting against? If it’s against injustice, or against something that is diminishing you, then you know what? Keep on fighting. Be a bad ass warrior, fighting for your own best self and the common good. Rest when you need to, but please, keep fighting until you reach that place where your spirit is allowed to shine.
But is your “I don’ wanna” because you are afraid to change? Because it’s easier to go back to a past that is no longer present for you?
Or are you resisting a future that is so full of uncertainty that you cannot bear to face it, so, you dig in and stay with what you know, shutting down opportunity because that feels safer?
Inhale. Exhale.
When I was recently experiencing my own resistance to something uncertain, a friend of mine suggested that I try an AA tool—willingness. It isn’t that life has to go this way or that. It’s that there is an openness. A chance. To believe that the good is real if you are willing to say yes to the Big Maybe and see what happens.
It’s not easy, but I bet it will be interesting : ).
One more thing occurs to me. If you are stuck in “I don’ wanna" right now, it might be because you are overtired and overstimulated--just like a toddler.
Actually, the why it's happening is less important than the how to deal with it. Take a deep breath in. Let it go. Breathe. Settle. Consider your Big Maybe. Consider softening, turning toward what is happening. Be willing. Be curious. Be hospitable. See what your Big Maybe is hungry for, then serve it that, with a big ol’ smile.
And as always, live light.
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