Thinks Matter

Sometimes, I come across a phrase that describes things perfectly—at least for the world I live in.

A few years back, it was “second arrows.” This Buddhist term explains that when life happens, we feel things, and those natural emotions are first arrows.

So, when an ending comes, a right and good first arrow is grief. It means we loved. We cared. And that’s a good thing. Hard, to be sure, but good.

A second arrow is what can happen next—we beat ourselves up for being human.

If a person doesn’t get the job they wanted, it is natural to feel sad (first arrow).

But how easy it is to let that second arrow fly—“You’re no good at anything,” or “Who would want to hire you anyways—because how long has that laundry been sitting in your basket waiting to be put away?”

The first arrow is the feeling (sometimes sharp and piercing). The second arrow is the poison-laced judgment—one we shoot at ourselves, and it can kill the good in us.

This past week I came across a similar phrase—“attack thoughts.”

Yes, there might be wild daisies and gentle deer in our mind fields, but many of us might have hidden mine fields in there as well. One wrong step, and kablooey! Out the attack thoughts come and down we go.

Much like second arrows, attack thoughts go after the self, and it is often a self that is already hurting.

But more than that, they love to go after the present moment. Our here and now is never enough; someplace else must be better—whether it’s eternally up ahead or years and years behind.

And so we end up living embattled, making enemies out of all sorts of things:

Our tender, beautiful selves.

The past, the present, the future.

And we end up exhausted.

Wounded.

What’s particularly cruel is noticing attack thoughts can often lead to second arrows. “Good God, you are doing it again. Could you just stop, you whining walloper?!?”

But these attack thoughts are wily little bastards. They know how to hide in the trenches of our minds, ever ready to pop up and take us down.

So, what are we supposed to do?!? you might be wondering.

Naming them can help. Hey. I see you. How ‘bout we just don’t today, okay?

We might even brave naming them to others, which might help us realize that we are not alone.

We also need to understand that we’ve been handed the ammunition for these attack thoughts from all kinds of external forces—social media, religion, advertising, algorithms, teachers.

And let’s keep it honest—they can also come from family and friends.

A relative once said to me, “You know we love you, Betsy, even though you are adopted.”

We are constantly bombarded with not enough too much do this not that you are not okay you are not okay you are not okay.

It’s no wonder we have a horde of attack thoughts ready to spring on us, especially when we are feeling overwhelmed and tender.

So, what can we do?

Remember that our thinks matter. How we think about the self, the other, the world, they all matter. So, notice—is the mind a war zone? If so, can you do your best to put the weapons down?

Words matter, too, which means we have the power to give someone else the ammunition for their attack thoughts.

So, be careful.

And trust that attack thoughts are akin to monsters under the bed. We have the power to turn on the Light and say, “You. Are. Not. Real.”

We might have to do it again and again, but the more we can do that, the more we can focus on what is Real.

You.

And me.

Fully human—beautiful, strange, flawed, and filled with all kinds of magic and light.